Caitlyn Jenner isn’t holding back.
For an all-new episode of Literally! With Rob Lowe, Caitlyn sat down with the podcast’s namesake, Rob Lowe, and opened up on a variety of topics. Throughout the hour and 20 minute episode, the retired Olympian turned reality TV legend touched on everything from her transition to her divorce from Keeping Up With the Kardashians matriarch Kris Jenner.
As E! reader may recall, back in April 2015, Caitlyn came out as transgender in a 20/20 interview with Diane Sawyer. By June 2015, Caitlyn debuted her name for a historic Vanity Fair cover.
“I’m just going to go live life. I’m going to go enjoy life. I have nothing left to hide. I am kind of a free person, a free soul,” she revealed at the time.
While Caitlyn is determined to live life authentically, her journey has certainly had some highs and lows.
Read Caitlyn’s most candid comments from the podcast episode by scrolling through the below.
1. On Her Identity Struggles Growing Up
“I was never comfortable with my identity, even as a very young kid,” Caitlyn reflected. “Parents would leave, I was fascinated by my sister’s clothes, never comfortable in my own shoes, fascinated with all that kind of stuff. But, you keep your mouth shut, you know?”
As she continued, Caitlyn reminded Rob that this was “the ’50s and ’60s.”
“It wasn’t even a word back then,” the I Am Cait star stated. “So, I found ways to just distract myself from those feelings.”
Per Caitlyn, the struggle with her identity is why she turned to sports. While becoming an Olympian was a “great way to prove your manhood,” Caitlyn admitted her identity struggle “was always there.”
2. Confronting Her True Self
“For about four and a half years, I just tried my best to deal with it,” Caitlyn expressed. “Honestly, I thought I would transition before I’m 40.”
Continuing on this subject, Caitlyn revealed that she underwent hormones and electrolysis. At this point, Caitlyn said the media began to notice a change in her appearance.
“I would cross-dress and go out, but I never ever talked to anybody,” she added. “I never talked to anybody, never did anything, never went anywhere, just drove around, you know? I got pretty good at it, so I never got caught.”
While Caitlyn was confronting her identity at this time, she noted that it caused her to be an absent parent.
“Those years, I was not a good parent,” Caitlyn shared. “I had four kids. I was too busy struggling with my own issues and my own self. I very much regret that, that I wasn’t there more for my young kids.”
However, as her 40th birthday drew closer, Caitlyn said she chose to take a step back from her transition plan. Not long after this, she met Kris.
3. On Divorcing Kris
“After twenty-three years, Kris and I went our separate directions. My identity…it was not a big part of us separating,” Caitlyn explained. “There was so many other bigger issues out there.”
Yet, Caitlyn did acknowledge that the “frustration with myself” caused her to be “a little bit shorter with her near the end.”
She continued, “Then all of a sudden, we didn’t have any issues. You know, we just, you know, it was calm.”
After agreeing to go their separate ways, Caitlyn confessed that it was Kris who found her home.
“She even found the place, she decorated the place, she did everything in Malibu,” Caitlyn said. “And she said, ‘I want you to feel comfortable.’ And that was it, you know?”
Being on her own made Caitlyn once again confront her identity struggles. Thus, Caitlyn went back into therapy.
4. Harassment from the Paparazzi
During what should’ve been a peaceful and transformative time, Caitlyn found herself routinely harassed by the paparazzi.
“I would have four or five of them outside the gate. Soon as I came out, they would start following you,” she lamented. “I mean, I had helicopters flying over…It was just horrible.”
Caitlyn went on to recall how tabloids turned her into a spectacle by writing “all sorts of stupid stuff.”
She recalled, “Go in the grocery line and there’s…some woman’s body with my head on top. And my kids gotta see this…Nobody knew what’s going on and they’re all wondering, and it was just literally hell.”
5. Kim’s Reaction to the Spelling of Her Name
According to Caitlyn, prior to settling on her name, she had considered Heather as a moniker.
Even after her 20/20 interview, Caitlyn was still struggling to pick her name. Caitlyn settled on the name she has now after her assistant suggested it. The name Caitlyn just happened to be on the top of the American athlete’s list.
Speaking of her name, Caitlyn revealed stepdaughter Kim Kardashian‘s reaction to the spelling.
“She goes, ‘Oh, my God. What do I call you?’ I said, ‘Well, my name is Caitlyn.’ And she goes, ‘Good, you stayed with the K’s,'” Caitlyn remembered. “I went, ‘No, I’m going with a C.’ Yes, I had to break it to her easily. I said, ‘There’s got to be a little separation between church and state.'”
As Caitlyn hilariously noted, if she went with a K-spelling “the media would have gone crazy.”
Listen to Caitlyn’s full Literally! With Rob Lowe interview here.